JOURNAL. July 2025.

hmm (29.07.2025)
Moralism and paternalism seem to be making a big comeback lately. See, for example, the deindexing of NSFW games from itch.io after a campaign spear-headed by a "feminist" group run by a pro-lifer. There is also the increasingly substatial and actual threat against trans rights and transition based on notions that trans people are A) evil fetishists and/or B) don't know what they're doing and must be saved from ourselves by restricting transition to 21+, or fearmongering about the decision-making abilities of 24-year-old adolescents (cf. the HHS report, compiled by a philosophy professor with a grudge and its " patient populations below the age of 26")... This is, I think, honestly a very sad situaion. Nevertheless I have always identified myself more with the "excluded" of speech rather than what is spoken, and it is something I feel... I am not sure how to word it. Inspiration feels to positivew a word herre. But I feel a stronger need to do something now.
What is actually the best way to act, I don't know. But if there is a time for an ehtical provocateurism and perversion it is when forces like these return. Someone must say what must not be said. For now, the only thought I have is an attempt to gather my thoughts and write an essay. In reality it can't do much and my thougths will still not be spectacularly gathered. But I do for once in my life feel the need to say something. So I will try.
saying anything (22.07.2025)
Very difficult for me to say or do anything lately. Black hole of melancholia. The feeling that nothing I can say or do matters at all.
I got sick (cold) a month ago and still have lung pain, should probably go back to the pulmonologist.
I had an idea I wanted to write something about recently, but completely forgot... Hm.
How do you make friends or become close with anyone when your social instinct is dead?
Oh! I have been meaning to make a zine lately. Kind of a pervert zine about technology, kind of a zine about perversion itself.
When I talk about needing friend, I particularly wish I had friends with whom I could discuss art/writing. It's easier to work on something when you have someone to share it with. My novel has gone untouched for a long, long time. I do need to go to that writing group more often... and get a laptop I can actually carry with me now that the old one is lame and must stay at home. But that's only weekly, I need to get into a real habit of writing.
