JOURNAL. November 2024.
uhhhh (22.11.2024)
I am working on a short story. I may upload it here once I am finished (I am too tired and do not care enough about "symbolic recognition" to go hunting for literary journals). Here is an excerpt:
"Ah. Of course." I removed the card from the breast pocket on the inside of my coat, offering it to him. He took it, squinting at it every few seconds as he typed out its individual data. He examined my face briefly, comparing it with that on the card which he soon returned to me.
"Yes, everything seems to be correct. Since you are the one bringing this suit against yourself, this does spare us the typical problem of attempting to contact you in order that you may submit your response." He sighed. "This is much preferable to those cases which default after five years because the subject could not be found."
I gave a half-laugh. "I suppose it's predictable."
"Given the character and history of those named in these affairs, yes." He shifted awkwardly, looking away. "I apologize. I at least should have specified the typical character of those named. I did not mean to compare you to–"
"Please," I interrupted, "do not worry about it." Had I been concerned about that sort of dignity, I would not have been there to begin with.
He nodded tightly, relieved but still awkward. "At any rate, I suppose that I am able to present you with your notice right now. Or—in a moment." He returned to his keyboard, making a few more entries as he clicked sporadically with a mouse. An apologetic look followed. "They won't even give me my own printer; I'll be right back."
I've been doing a lot lately. Whether this will last or not remains to be seen. What I started half because it seemed funny to me (psychoanalysis) may in fact actually be helping. I seem more capable of wanting things. But again—it remains to be seen if this will last.
I seem to have become more capable of speaking in general. What has returned perhaps is an attitude of general curiosity which allows my to hope that by speaking I will discover something. I am far from being socially confident, but I am doing much better than an in the past. This is not the same as being outgoing; I am not and will never become such. But there may be some way to integrate my eccentricity within the social fabric. In one class we have to research in groups, and our is a small group. I've taken up doing the brunt of the theory work, and I feel it suits me. It is up to my "intuition", as another member said, and I think that this is my strength. I do well with these more removed matters. It is more difficult to find such a place, but at least I have something like it for now.
My PC has finally arrived from home. Nice to have the ability to properly emulate (my laprop was not so good) and even play current games. I recently started the Silent Hill 2 remake. Quite fun. I want to play through the series more and then I might try to write about a silly little theory I have. I'll also be writing about it for my academic essay this year, but that's another matter.